Normal Chaos at the Tallest's HQ-enter the Diables
by Invader Zek
Summary: This is yet another fic with Zek. This time she's wrecking havoc and chaos at th Tallest's HQ with her pranks and driving the Tallest insane, and bringing the game of football to life there! NO MORE IS IRK ORGANIZED AND ORDERLY W/ ZEK AROUND-MUAHAHAHA! (t


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Ok, this is just some funny scenes I thought up. You might want to understand my character more. I RP her neopets.com as a female Irken who lost most of her memory after a grim crash. In these scene thingys she's at the tallest HQ after returned home with her earth born (but slightly genetically enhanced) Doberman pinscher E.T. E-mail or Neomail me at Invader_Zek if ya gots any questions…or just post with ur reviews. Oh-flame me all you want! I don't give a crud, J . Thanks to those like amethyst soul and zimmykid who encourage me and give honest opinions. Now about our Foot ball playing-dress hating-dog loving Zek.

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Zek: *walks up to Red* Wanna see a magic trick?

Red: ….? Uh…ok, sure.

Zek: Cool-ok-first, I need a piece of money of somewhat important value…

Red: *hands her it*

Zek: Now…I'll chant the magic words and watch it disappear: CYA SUCKER! *runs away laughing*

Red: YOU BITCH-GET BACK HERE! *runs after her*

Zek: I SAID IT WAS A TRICK DIDN'T I?!?!

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Zim: *tries to send transmission from earth-Zek appears on the screen*

Zim: Zek! What're you doing there?

Zek: Well duh-what does it look like you retard? I'm sitting in front of a big screen.

Zim: Argh! …eh…I need your father…

Zek: Pay-up.

Zim: What?

Zek: Cough it up-service ain't free.

Zim: AGHH! I WILL NOT-

Zim: *eyes are closed in frustration* 

Zek: *looks behind her at the sound of a door and scuttles away*

Zim: DAMNITT YOU BITCH!

Purple: WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BITCH?!?!

Zim: Oh shit…!

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Zek: *yells as Red walks by*

Red: What?!

Zek: *cringes* *then takes out a paper bag, jumps, and pops it on his head* Whew! That's better…

Red: *blinx*

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Zek: *pokes food w/ utensil* Ew… what IS this shit?

Purple: Jeez…Try it…

Zek: *shudders then takes a bite* *flops on the floor gagging and making disgusting noises*

Purple: Oh for Gods' sake-a week ago you said you liked it-its *some kind of name for the food*

Zek: *climbs back on chair* Its that-really? *takes another bite* Well…I can slightly suppress the gag reflex by not breathing and sort-of choking it down and flushing it out w/ my drink. Tastes kinda like septic tank shit-but a little dry.

Purple: *dryly* I'm glad it's such a hit…

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Zek: ACK! Hey-no parasite ridden pets are allowed in this structure-shoo!

Red: ZEK!

Zek: WHOA! Sorry…um…didn't recognize you…

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Red: …your hiding something…I can tell…

Zek: No, I'm not.

Red: You are too!

Zek: ergh….

Red: Hel-lo…?

Zek: *takes out an megaphone and puts up on max volume up to his face* THE FUCKING SKY IS BLUE-HAPPY?!!?

Red: …..Ow-w-w…

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Purple: I'm telling you-smoke machines are better!

Red: LAZERS!

Purple: SMOKE MACHINES!

Red: LAZERS!

Zek & Purple: SMOKE MACHINES!

Red: Fine, fine…whatever…

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Purple: You know Zek, you have to stop speaking English soon and learn Irken. We can't wear translators forever…

Zek: Ok-rattle off all the Irken cusswords you know.

Purple: NO!

Red: Fine, I'll teach her.

Purple: You do and I'll skin your hide and shape it into combat boots!

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Zek: *on a phone thingy* 'Ello? Eeezz thees 'da fr-d-ront desk? 'Ya, 'Ya-I nee-d a wordz look 'up. Yezz…Uh…thatz ze problem-I don't know exactly what the wordz ara'a and I'm notz allowed to say them-can you pleeze just shoot 'off all of ze curse-words you know in Irken-to-English format? ….'Ello? 'ELLO?! *hangs up* Sheesh…those librarians are a sharp bunch…

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0_- (do try 2 understand I have to stretch some things…)

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Zek: The ARE good points in knowing English on Irk-um…that's if nobody's wearing translators like mine… I like to have fun around here.

Zek: *purposely trips over an Irken aid* English: GAH! YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU BETTER KNOW A GOOD SURGEON 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BEAT YOU INTO A FUCKING LIMP PULP! I'LL DAMN YOU RIGHT DOWN TO HELL-SON OF A BITCH ASSHOLE…! 

Aid: *blix startled but doesn't understand what she's saying*

Zek: See? I can say damned thing I want!

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Zek: Shotgun…set…HIKE!

Friends: *Scramble around playing football and a big pile appears on the ground.*

Purple: What the hell??? *Catches flying ball*

Zek: Oh shit-run dad!

Purple: Wha-

Friend: He's got the ball-TACKLE! *all of 'em tackle him*

Zek: *looks down at the pile of fighting, hissing players* I don't think this is exactly your sport….

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Zek: Shotgun…set…HI-

Purple: *grabs her* Oh shit-not this murderous game again!

Zek: *dangles and struggles in mid air* OUCH! Jeez-it's just a GAME!

Purple: A game?? That's suicide! Especially at your rank, you shouldn't be playing this!

Zek: AGH! Oh hell with rank-

Purple: And you don't look respectable….

Zek: JEEZ! I only played one quarter-its not THAT messed up-HELL WITH MY DRESS-HELL WITH THE DRESS OF **DEATH**!

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Zek: *Looks around and pops into a room, comes out in a shirt and jeans from earth.* Good riddance…I hate dresses. 

Zek: Ready…sho-

Friend: Hey-you're not supposed to be playing! Remember-'ya got a lecture from dadd-

Zek: Oh shut 'ur hole…

Friend: Daddy's 'lil girl-

Zek: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE **_DEAD_**! *runs after him*

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Red: THEY'RE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE LEECH-GET BACK HERE!

Zek: Umm… WHOA-LOOK AT THAT SOLDIER SCREWING THAT GIRL BEHIND YOU!

Red: HOLY SHIT-WHERE?! *looks behind him*

Zek: Sucker!

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Zek: You got the-WHAT KIND OF FUCKING FOOTBALL IS THIS?! You call this a football? It looks like retarded septic tank waste!

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Zek: *walks up to a guard and says in an evil voice, * I know what you did last summer… 

Guard: Oh fuck-don't tell anyone!!!

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Zek: Oh man-you eat chips?!

Red: Yeah-h-h-h…so…?

Zek: No…chips are fine-it just THOSE chips…OW GAWD! *gags* *leaves room*

Red: What does she mean by…oh…oh shit-literally… *looks at bag then gags*

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Zek: No-No! He's PERFECTLY well trained; I can assure you…This Doberman is housebroken so he won't-

Red: OH FUCK-MY CHAIR!

Zek: Um…oops…eh-heh-heh…

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Purple: Oh gawd ZEK! Will you eat right? Its disgusting-you're like a little barbarian!

Zek: A barbarian…? Cool! *makes repulsive noises while swallowing*

Purple: Wrong thing to say huh?

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Red: -?!? What are you doing in here?! You know you're not allowed in here you little pest! And what the hell are you playing video games on it for-that machine is powerful and restricted!!!

Zek: Oh, how I pity ye of simple mind. Why must thou ponder over the pitiful excuses of thee so? Must one's freedom be depleted due to thou's little knowing? 

Red: …….? WH-A-AT?!? What the hell are you saying?

Zek: *finally looks away from game* Man…you are stupid aren't you? 

Red: YOU SHORT FUCKING PEST! *lunges at her*

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Zek: Wow-you're pretty slow shorty! Ha-ha! C'mon you fat ass! You probably couldn't catch a parked Voot Runner! Ah-hahaha!

Red: *runs towards her but she's to fast so he's about 20 feet back*

Zek: Nya-nya! *phhhhhhhhhht!* *as he gets near she turns to run away but Purple's in her way*

Zek: Um…eh…heh-heh-heh-heh…er-I'm not getting out of this one am I…?

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Purple: You're wearing those… those…JEANS…*cringes*

Zek: Yeah-'ya wanna make somthin' of it?

Zek: …Yeah-you do huh? Oh, OH-NOO-OOO-OO-O! Not the dress! NOT THE DRESS! DRESS OF DOOM-DRESS OF DOO-OO-OM!

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Zek: *belches loudly*

Purple: Holy shit-where'd you learn to do that?!

Zek: My earth-friend Haley taught me.

Red: And what do you say after that rude gesture??

Zek: Hmm…I'd say on a scale of 1 through 10 that would've had to be an 8 ½…

Purple: *grumbles*

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Zek: *reads a magazine*

Purple: What's that?

Zek: Ooh! It's a Utahraptor-related to the velociraptors. With the bloodthirsty savagery of wild dogs-they attack with the efficiency of a lethal bird of prey! Jaws with the force of a quarter ton, biting and snapping at their meal. Ripping the skin off the carcass to feast upon the juicy muscle and organs within! Their sickle claw wrenching mercilessly through the flesh of the doomed victim! 

Purple: …right…

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E.T.: *steals bag of chips*

Red: HEY!

E.T.: *ruffles and bristles fur, bares his teeth, lays his ears back, and extends his fore feet*

Red: On second thoughts…

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Zek: What the hell are you thinking? That's our ball man.

Other-person-that's-a-bystander-from-the-other-team: YOU'RE ball? You haven't two brain cells to rub together shorty!

Zek: ….*last word echoes in her head* Shorty…? SHORTY…? SHORTY…?!? C'MERE YOU FUCK'IN ASSHOLE-I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SHORT! YOU DON'T GO CALL'IN PEOPLE WHO'RE MUCH TALLER 'EN YOU SHORT! 

Other-dude: …ehm…

Zek: HURRAGH! *tackles him HARD*

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Zek: *altered one of those earth recorder-repeaters and poped it under Red's chair*

Red: *sits* Ok…h-

Recorder-repeater: Ok...h-

Red: …? Oka-a-a-ay… Computer-show m-

Recorder-repeater: Oka-a-a-ay… Computer-show m-

Red: WHO THE HELL IS COPYING ME?!

Recorder-repeater: WHO THE HELL IS COPYING ME?!

Red: *thinks* hmm… I'm an asshole.

Recorder-repeater: You're an asshole-why, you just figured it out now?

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Zek: Ooh! I saw this from a movie! 

Zek: *inserts miniature sound amplifier inside her mouth*

Zek: Now I'm ready for dinner!

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Zek: *activates the little sound amplifier* 

Purple: Gawd Zek…chew with your mouth shut!

Zek: I am. See?

Purple: How can someone make disgusting noises with their mouth closed?!

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Zek: Ready…set…HIKE!

Player: BLITZ! *taps her*

*guards run over w/ their guns aimed at the player*

Zek: Whoa…fellas, it's called football! Security a little strict these days, eh?

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Zek: *looks at guards* Creepy…ok-ready…set…HIKE!

Player: *tackles her* *guards pin him down*

Zek: Honestly-will you let me play my GAME?!

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Instructor: Now, take hold of the b-

Zek: I remember how to fly a bloody voot runner! Quite a few models too! GAWD!

Instructor: They we're my orders whether you remember or not. Don't try to fool be because your bored. Now take it slow…

Zek: What?! YOU SON OF A BITCH ASSHOLE!

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Zek: 'Don't ever fly it so fast'-blah blah blah blah blah!!! Some instructor…whadda dork…

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Friend: Good question…I think I want to be a pilot!

Zek: Damn-one of thousands! I know what I'm gonna do once I escape-retire.

*cricket chirps*

Zek: WHAT? Work never does pay off.

("Do you ever have trouble coming up with ideas?" asked the interviewer. "Sometimes," replied the author.)

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Zek: *Walks along whistling carrying a huge shovel*

Red: And what are you doing with THAT? *points to shovel*

Zek: Oh this…? Yeah, remember that pet I got six months ago you said I could keep, as long as you never saw it, and it was out of your way?

Red: Yes…I remember the conversation…

Zek: *huge roar sounds in the distance* Uh-oh-gotta go. Sorka's hungry and I still need to clean her cat box! 

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Purple: SMOKE MACHINES!

Red: LAZERS!

Purple: SMOKE MACHINES!

Red: *shoots purple in the eye again with a lazer* 

Zek: Oh play dirty will he…? Heh-heh-heh…

8****************8

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Zek: shnnff gadssds essthh ee…!

Purple: What're you laughing at…?

Zek: ghhhph…nothing…*tries to stifle laughter* Here he comes!

Red: *takes bite of food* What the heck just- HHAGHHH ACK OCKLAGG huuur-AHGHK GHPHAAH URRR *wheezing…hacking…coughing…*

Zek: *falls backwards in her chair laughing so hard*

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Zek: *looks down LONG staircase* Ooh…this might hurt…too risky-hey-oh hell-This will be too funny…!

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Zek: *falls down stairs*

Purple: Holy shit!!!! Zek-are you okay?!

Zek: *remains limp an motionless* Thinks: closer…closer…gotcha…!

Purple: Zek…?!

Zek: *grabs 'em* LET-THE DEAD-REST!!!

Purple: *skin turns from pale green to gray* ACK! *runs*

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Zek: I'm hungry! It's only 4:00am! Why can't the two lazy dorks get up…wait-a-minute…! 

Zek: *Grabs a conch shell* Thank you-ou-ou-ou Hawaii! *blows it hard*

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*Feathers are a mess everywhere after accidently mixing negative chemicals*

Purple: HOLY CRAP-WHAT HAPPENED TO UR ROOM?! DIDN'T I SAY NONE OF THOSE CHEMICALS…?!

Zek: Um…DAD-IT WAS AMAZING! A FLOCK OF MUTATED WILD DUCKS JUST FLEW IN HERE AND MOLTED THEIR RADIOACTIVE FEATHERS, AND LEFT WHEN YOU CAME IN!

**8**

Zek: How did he know? I outta come up with some better excuses and lies…

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E.T.: What the heck are you doing with that water bottle Zek? Water hurts you, remember?

Zek: Normally, yeah, but after spending most of my life on earth, my body's come accustomed to it! I'm gonna chase Red around the HQ with it- heh, heh!

*8*

Red: Zek, why are you follow- AAAAGHGHHHHH! GET IT AWAY!!!

Zek: Splashes some on him* Ooops!

******8

Zek: *chases him around with the water bottle* *splashes the rest on him* How clumsy of me…! Well at least your mopping up the floor squirming like that-and will you quit yelling-it's really annoying!

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Zek: *turns the whole HQ in chaos-chasing and shooting everyone with a huge water gun*

Purple: *grabs her by the scruff of her shirt, dangling her in mid air* 

Zek: Oh-h-h-h-h-h man…Um…you look REALLY pissed-you want an exclamation right before you mutilate me right? Ok-all talk-um…I had NO willpower WHATSOEVER! It was horrific! Diablo came out of the ground and-wait, you don't believe in Diablo…um ARCHON!-ARCHON FORCED ME-HE CAME UP FROM HIS KINGDOM OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!!

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Red: *blasts purple in the eye again*

Zek: HEY-WATCH YOUR AIM RED! *shoots smoke bomb in his eyes*

Red: OH SHIT! AGHHH! OW-AHHH! ^$#@$ @%@!

Zek: Lasers only go so far my hell-found friend…

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Red: *aims at purple w/ laser*

Zek: HEY RED-don't shoot-or I'm gonna shoot at you by my eye-level…and that…would disable you to walk for awhile…!

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Zek: 4:00 in the morning…good…

Zek: THE BRITISH ARE COMING! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! THE BRITISH ARE COMIIIIIIIING!!!!!


End file.
